Too Much, Too Little - Eheu

Experience overwhelms us or starves us, the contented medium being either merely passed through as a station in the swing of events, or at worse times, simply bypassed altogether as we go from pole to pole.

Can you tell I'm of a fatigued & tired disposition today?

If one reviews the past, one can always think of "how it might have been", but that is of little use aside from passing warnings on to your children. Psychologically, it's an eddy of grief and anger that you can be locked into forever. So phooey on it, to coin a phrase. I can (a) set forth my errors, but (b) I must also acknowledge the good things, that I am not in chains, that my family are not in chains, that I have a decent family to begin with. The negatives are endless; the positives few - so we need to keep their value high in our estimation. To brood on the dispreferred Indifferentia of life is, again, to circle forever in an eddy of grief and anger.

We are saddled with debt and employment - Adam's Curse - and although the debt might have been avoidable, not all of it was, and it is - in any event - a legacy of the irremediable past. On to the future, sore and saddled.

Old Age, Fatigue

Iis qui legant - Salvete.
My theory is that when old age starts to shut us down, our simple, common human facets are worn away first, and what's left of our selves clings to our obsessions and fetishes. Smiles fade, patience fades, but the desire to control remains, and in proportion to our loss of strength, perception, ability, we turn to our addictions for comfort, and reliance on them characterizes our decline.
Valete.

Dies Festi Hiemsales

A moment to record why I cling to holidays.
- Workdays are too damned profane and other-dominated.
- Holidays are - more or less - free days. A holiday is like the freedom we can never really have.
- Holidays are days to remember: family, friends, etc. Even I - who have no close friends anymore - remember my friends and cherish my more-or-less disfunctional family.
- Holidays are evanescent, like so many "good" things (ie, preferable or stimulating things) - they are usually pleasurable.
- Among others who also keep the day, there's a feeling of elation - marginal or not, but often there IS something there in people's moods and responses.
- Holidays that are taken to heart may have the last hint of the sacred left in our lives.
- Festive lights! Again, a pleasure, evanescent, of indifferent value, but felt.